A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.
Proverbs 25:11

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Heart 2 Heart...more added after my signature


Did you ever feel like you needed to talk to somebody about something,
and you KNEW you did, but you were afraid of their response.
That is how I am coming to you today. I would rather that
we were all in a church room or my living room and I could sit down
and you knew that what I am saying is *girl talk* and I could talk to
you heart to heart. That is what I am doing with this post. It is not a post of judgement
but of what I see happening around and Christian women of ALL ages are getting caught
up in. What is it you ask....one word can suffice, cleavage.

As a women I love clothes too. I am discouraged by what is offered to us to buy.
Yet, we cannot blame anyone if we are wearing clothing,especially tops, that are too revealing
and could possibly cause a brother/man to stumble. The responsibilty is ours.
Ladies, you and I both know what kind of look it is. I don't think I need to spell it out.
Yet, I see more top naked women in public, to include churches, than I can EVER remember.
I was in a drugstore recently getting a prescription and when the cashier bent over,
she was more than 50% exposed. This is not playing fair. My husband, your husband should not have to fight this,teenage sons, brothers,fathers,none of these guys should have to worry about averting their eyes at every corner, especially in church situations and yet it happens.


So what is modesty where tops are concerned????
1.) Tops, blouses should not be to snug, who are you trying to impress?Wrap tops are usually too tight
2.) Sheer, your underthings should not be exposed. No one one should even have a hint at your bra size.
3.) Low cut. this is a big one. As many THINK it is subjective. Low means this:
IF you bend over and touch your knees you
should not be able to see ANYTHING.Let's face it we unload groceries, pick things up, to include children etc....
no one should see ANY type of your breasts....not even the crease. I am trying to be frank here without being crude.
4.)Shortness, if you lift up your arms your belly should not show.
5.)Be careful even loose, higher neckline tops can be deceptive trying moving and bend differnt ways in front of the mirror.
6.) Sleeveless, I do not like these, but if you do be careful, most are too tight or you can expose yourself from the underarm area

Now you may say, it is my choice. Is it?
I ask, Isn't your body something reserved for your husband,
or future husband? Would you like other women lusting after him? It is sin.
Do you want people to see Jesus in you?
It is difficult if they see YOU and yours first .
What is your motive for calling attention to yourself.
This isn't opinion ladies there are SCRIPTURES:
1.) Romans 14:21 It is good neither to eat flesh, nor to drink wine, nor any thing whereby thy brother
stumbleth, or is offended, or is made weak.
2.) 1 Timothy 2:9 In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with broided hair, or gold, or pearls, or costly array;
3.) Romans 6:19 I speak after the manner of men because of the infirmity of your flesh: for as ye have yielded your members
servants to uncleanness and to iniquity unto iniquity; even so now yield your members servants to righteousness unto holiness
4.) Proverbs 5:19 Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished
always with her love. (this is for marriage)

I know you have to hunt for clothes. I do too. You can do this. Teach this to your daughters.

We are to be HOLY :
1.) 2 Peter 3:11 Seeing then that all these things shall be dissolved, what manner of persons ought ye to be in all holy conversation and godliness,
2.) 1 Peter 1:16 Because it is written, Be ye holy; for I am holy.
There are so many scriptures on being a example and righteous living all applicable to this.
Please take this teaching from me as a reminder what kind of a woman we are supposed to be.
You may have to get rid of some clothes.
If you have to always adjust your top, to make sure nothing is showing or you aren't showing too much, it is time for that blouse/top to go.
And while I am at it. Wear a slip under your dresses and skirts, I have seen some pretty sad sights, because a women did not put on a slip.
Sew up those slits on skirts , this is immodest. Be careful.
Ask someone you know who dresses more conservative than you for advice.
Have a teachable heart.
We are in this together. Wanting to be the woman the Lord would have us to be, in all areas of our lives.
Said with love,
Sharon, from Keeper of the Home did a post on dress:

50 comments:

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

This is certainly an untouchable subject, yet it blares loudly in our assemblies. We have lost a family or two because they were trying to raise boys with good values, and when they came to church, the young women were dressed worse than the world. It is to be expected in the world, but in church, people really want to keep their thoughts pure. Bare flesh or clothes so tight they reveal every portion of private parts, is very distracting. We should be thinking about holy things in church. It is not fair to the young men. If the young men showed up in church dressed immodestly the girls would have a fit and say it was threatening. Feminism isn't about equal pay and equal opportunity. It has declined into the right to dress as scantily as you wish and then tell others it is none of their business. Yet when someone crosses your path dressed like this, you can't help but see it all. Why do they dress like this and then expect us all to pretend not to notice? If the preacher says anything he will be trapped because he will be accused of having a dirty mind. He can't talk directly to these young women, so he appoints an older woman. The older woman goes to them and talks to them and they act like they don't undersand, or create trouble for her. I've been on the other end of that sort of thing, and the backlash is tremendous. Its as though you are interfering with something so private and they take deep offense, not realizing how they are offending others.

LadyLydiaSpeaks said...

I think the girls in all honesty ought to take their fathers to their closets and ask them to pick out the clothes that would cause a man's mind to think less than noble thoughts. Fathers do know what men think about.

Tracy said...

I agree with Lady Lydia, but sadly, many fathers don't care what their daughters wear. Some are even proud that their daughters or wives attract the attentions of other men. It's a sad world that we live in.

This is a great post, Deby!

Pen of Jen said...

Wow! Thanks for taking the time to write about this...we ALL need to read and reread this. Modesty always.

Daughter of the King said...

Somehow...Blogger created TWO of these posts...so I copied the comments from one and will put them HERE....

lil-deb said...
I love your blogs. I agree about women sometimes being immodest at church of all places. Sometimes I wish I could say something but I'm never sure how I would approach that person without them getting upset.

See you soon

Debby

April 9, 2008 5:24 PM
Pen of Jen said...
Ok...thank you. I am not a prude but I do not like to see another woman's cleavage or bust. And bra's, they used to be something that everyone knew you wore, but never saw. Heaven forbid your shoulder strap would fall.

A woman told me that she just noticed that I had lost weight, because it was windy...you see I wear clothing that is not form fitting.

Great post...I think we all need to pray about this, as many may not even realize that they are exposing themselves.
Jen

April 9, 2008 5:48 PM
Mimi said...
very very well put...I am afraid that the younger women and teenagers...are very careless in their dress...even in church....sometimes it embarrasses me...so I know the men are offended..

I appreciate your post...

April 9, 2008 5:57 PM
Wendy said...
Hi Deby another great teaching!!! We ladies do need to watch ourselves!! I see young ladies come into church with the most questionable things on and it makes me wonder how do we reach them, it seems just talking to them isn't enough!!!.........On another note.... I was tagged to do a six word meme of myself and you are one of the ones I have choosen to be tagged next if you don't mind!!! I look forward to seeing what you come up with!!! Have a great Blessed night my friend!!~Wendy

April 9, 2008 6:26 PM

Susan said...

Very good article, Deby! This IS something that needs to be addressed, and thank you for doing it. Fortunately, in our church right now, we don't have this problem. We're still small!

Pink Icing on the Cake said...

I really think this has become a big problem. I was watching the show Big Brother tonight and the one girl Natalie says she is a Christian but yet she works in a bikini bar and shows cleavage and more all the time. When did this start being acceptable? I am big busted and do all I can to hide it. It makes me very uncomfortable to wear anything too clingy or too low. I guess I am somewhat of a prude. Good post.

Hugs,
LeAnn :)

Maxine said...

Wow, Deby! You are so BRAVE and I was cheering you on the whole time while reading this. That's not to say I haven't made my share of mistakes in times past. It's so easy to be careless no matter what our age. Thanks for taking the time to spell it all out so clearly-you were right on. You even quoted my favorite Scripture on this topic--the one from Romans 14. To me that's the best argument of all that Christian women need to consider. It's just another area of obedience to Christ. It's sad that so many who consider themselves to be Christians, ignore this important area and some even encourage their daughters in the wrong way by the clothes they purchase for them. Thanks again, Deby.

Your comment on my post was hilarious.

Sharon said...

Amen! What I can't understand is why preachers won't preach about it?! Maybe they think the older women are supposed to be teaching the younger women, but in today's world those women are rare.

Another thing I don't get, is why parents allow AND BUY these kinds of clothes for their daughters? Oh, I forgot, a lot of mother's today dress that way too.

Great post and I hope a lot of women will read this.

Cathy said...

Deby, I used to work at Wal-Mart, I could not stand the way some dressed. Unfortunately,there does not seem to be much we can do about the way others dress.
Also, the dresses for sale now are so skimpy, and some are cut down to the waist. It is ridiculous.

Ginny said...

Well said, Deby. I still struggle with my Grace in this area; she is better, but still has a ways to go. Bless her, it's difficult because she's VERY well endowed. Thanks for "speaking the truth in love."

Nicole said...

AMEN!!!! I heard it once said that what you use to "catch" a guy, you have to use to keep him. So true. I could rather he be attracted because of a Christ-like reflection than my "curves!!"

Jodi said...

Deby ~ Very well ... and lovingly ... said. I would only like to add that I do wish Christian women bloggers would reconsider taking photos of themselves angles from above their head (especially popular in Profile Pictures). These photos emphasize cleavage ~ a lot! My son has complained and will not go to a blog with that type of profile picture.

Thank you, Deby, for being courageous and gentle.

HOPE said...

AMEN..AMEN..AMEN! I couldn't have SHOUTED it better!

It is very sad the way the WORLD impresses women to dress the way THE WORLD/Hollywood wants them to look..and then have to reap the awful consquences of loose dress.

It is so vital for CHRISTIAN women to dress right for the testimony it is to NEW christian women as well as the lost. I have had the pleasure of watching a newly saved YOUNG woman grow in the LORD..by WATCHING and realizing modesty is of the LORD.

Such a great post Deby..thank you!

Mrs. C said...

Excellent post, Deby! ;)

Pam--in Jerusalem said...

I'm so glad that you were brave enough to write this! You are absolutely correct... modesty is so important. It's the main reason that I sew too; you just can't find very many modest items in the stores.

Cherish the Home said...

Excellent post and one that is very needed.

One solution I've come up with is wearing wide-strapped tank tops underneath tops that might be too low cut or too sheer.

And Jodi, you made an excellent point about profile pictures. Sadly I too have seen a lot of cleavage on blog photos, especially profile pictures.

Many Blessings,
Michele

Muddling Through said...

Very well written post. I notice that television is portraying professional women wearing these types of dress. It's no wonder girls think this is the way to go. It is a real challenge to find modest clothing for females of any age. And it's pretty hard for a parent to stem the tide.
But it is something we all need to speak out about!

Mary Isabella said...

You did a wonderful jod with this post. All I can add is AMEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Denise said...

Such a wonderful, and very true post.

Mimi said...

Deby,
I commented on this but I think it must have been dropped...
I just wanted to say this is a great post and much needed...even in the churches...the teenagers and younger women tend to dress inappropriately...both in the length and in the cleavage...
thanks for the post ...

Donna said...

Thank you for visiting my blog!
Have a wonderful day.
Hugs,
Donna

One Happy Family said...

I think that ladies, like myself, have never truly been taught how to dress in a feminine fashion. Truly this is an important subject, but should also be in context to the heart issue. For that is where sin originates. Let's remember that our "good works" are as filthy rags without the love of Christ or our faith. This means that YES these are important truths - however, in stating them it also needs to be impressed upon to not be as a pharisee, concentrating more on the outward appearance than the heart. Good thought provoking post. I appreciate your willingness to step out on the line.

maranatha777 said...

This is EXCELLENT, Deby! Many women and teenage girls do not understand how their immodest apparel affects men! They lay the "blame" on the man for not keeping his eyes. However, their attire is that of the harlot and they don't even realize it. Good studies like this are scarce! Good job!

Kate

Katie said...

I heartily agree with you Deby! I'm often quite disgusted with the clothes selection of ladies today, and the way the media displays unwholesome image after unwholesome image. I was really affected by the media and what the world desires growing up in those vulnerable teen years and wasn't saved until my early 20s. But I can tell you I let all of that get to me and affect my eating habits, and of course I tried to dress to impress until the Lord got ahold of my heart. I'm very passionate about helping young women to stay pure in this regard and I appreciate your post!

Blessings,
Katie

Nanny said...

I was flipping through my TV channels last night and ran across the show "How Not to Dress"...a couple (man and woman with fashion experience) takes a frumpy woman and shows her how to wear all of the fabulous new styles. The lady last night said she wished that she could ban the words, "but I feel more comfortable in this". This hindered her from talking them into what she wanted them to wear.

Maybe we need this in Churches. A class on "What Not to Wear" for women. Maybe take a woman that is dressed less than modest and make her look chaste.

The article you provided was very imformative and really gives a male veiwpoint.

I'm guilty of loving my jeans and elastic waist slacks a little to much and have fallen into wearing them to Church...not good. I remember a time not too long ago that it was severely frowned upon for a woman to wear slacks to Church but the Southern Baptist churches have got lenient on that.

I'm coming to the mind of wanting my outside to reflect my inside....not just on Sunday but every day!

Great post!!

jane said...

Great minds think alike. Last night I was sharing with my husband about my desire to blog about this very subject. Thank you for this post, Deby. I'm going to prayerfully post about it. :o)

Oh. And I agree with Cherish about profile pictures.

Michelle-ozark crafter said...

That was a great post my dear! It is a shame the way people dress, even Christians. My cousin preached on how sensuality is permeating everything and has become accepted as being okay. Well, it is NOT okay yet it is used to sell everything from cars to food and on and on. When did being sexy and exposing your boday become okay? It isn't! And I will stop now before I get carried away.

Deb said...

Hi Deby, thanks for stopping by my blog with kind comments. I Love this, our pastor speaks of this frequently,and I on a daily base see this and wonder myself how long we as women will continue to lend ourselves to the lusting eyes of people we don't even know. Because as you said our bodies are for our own husbands or future husbands. Thanks for this post it has inspired me to make comments on this subject of my own. Deb

Walking By Faith said...

Great post written in pure sisterly love. Thank you very much for writing this Deby. You see alot of posts and hear alot of discussions about dressing the lower half, but not the upper half. I am going to double check my summer wardrobe tonight, modeling the tops (especially my tank tops) I am unsure about for my husband and getting his opinion. I feel we all have a responsibility in this area wether or not we have cleavage. Especially in making sure our bras are 100% hidden.

Sarah

Mrs. Rabe said...

Deby,

That was a wonderful post. It is such a "touchy" subject to address with people.

We are not dresses or skirts only but we strive for modesty and feminity. My husband is very helpful with our daughters to point out what is appropriate or not. He is a great dad!

Lady-in-the-Making said...

Excellent post, Deby. Thank you for having the courage to speak out about this. Preach on! :)

mumsybyrd said...

Deby,
Its refreshing to see this topic appearing more often now! My daughter and I really enjoy altering and making up new designs to help 'cover' ourselves. Course she really has liked the undershirts from east end and shade clothing, and usually wears one under every shirt/blouse/dress she has. I have altered swim suits with extra fabric to make them more modest, or sometimes we just add another swim suit underneath. Extra thickness is also nice! I have been playing around with making some more modest, comfortable slips. My daughter receives compliments on her clothing at college! She felt too many young women were dressing immodestly and the males and females really looked sloppy that she takes the time to put herself together, not always skirts or dresses, but always appropriate for walking around a campus. So if we can't speak to them verbally, we will visually! It is so important to protect our young sons and daughters from the visions of the world. This is my first time on your blog, it is lovely. I enjoyed glancing at some of the crafty places on your other blog.
blessings,
Debbie

Angels Watching Over Me said...

Wow, I so totally agree. More times than I care to have it happen, I see way more skin on people than I would like to see. I have always said, "Just because they make it in your size, dosen't mean you should wear it". Something else that bothers me (and I don't know if it is a generational thing or not) but I do NOT want to see anyones pregnant belly. I so dislike seeing a pregnant woman with her belly hanging out from under a small shirt. I also don't like skin tight tops on pregnant women. I think that is something "Hollywood" started. I have to bite my tongue so as not to tell these women that if I wanted to see there pregnant tummy, I would ask to see it, otherwise; cover it up. I hope this isn't too harsh but it is how I feel. TMS = Too Much Skin!!!

Mishel said...

GREAT post Deby!! Amen, amen, amen!!

Deborah said...

Deby, Great post! The interesting thing is that I had posted my daughter's wedding picture the other day in celebration of their 2nd anniversary. I had already cropped the picture once as I was very uncomfortable with the dress she wore. Today, I just felt the need to change the picture again...I took it off, cropped it again and reposted it. Tonight when I read your post, it just confirmed what I had been feeling! (My daughter was raised in church, and has a profession of salvation, but is not living for the Lord.)

I am truly blessed said...

Lovely Deb!! Great post. hope to see you guys soon

Lisa's Blessed A Latte said...

Well said Sister.Love ya!!!

Barbara said...

The cleavage gets me! Seems the more endowed one is,the more they wear these small shirts/blouses, and the lower the better. Makes me feel embarrassed for them!

I've seen young women come to church with strapless tops and Mother is with them. Apparently, she thinks this if okay for going into church. My daughter never wore them and neither did I, let alone at church!

One thing I wish would change is the immodest clothing the women on TV wear when reporting news, etc. The skirts are way above the knees, and sometimes split. When they sit down they come WAY up and some don't know how to keep their legs in a way that you don't see everything else! I believe they are using these women to get viewers, period!

Abounding Treasures said...

Deby,

AMEN!! A very challenging post written in love and backed up carefully by Scripture.

This has been something that I have been bothered by for years and since we rarely hear ministry or teaching on it from the pulpit or platform, it comes down to us as individuals, parents, Christian bloggers, etc. to reach out and give Scriptural counsel as to why immodesty is contrary to the mind of the Lord!

Thanks for visiting my blog and for your kind comments :o)

Blessings,
Dallas

~Red Tin Heart~ said...

Our Sunday School teacher's wife wears her skirts so short when she crosses her legs we all can see everything she has! I quit going to Sunday school because of it.
Our leaders need to be an example. I agree with what you wrote, we have to be modest if we are representing God.
xoxo Nita

patricia said...

A post full of wisdom. How I relate to this... I have three daughters and am trying hard to raise them to be modest in action and dress. It is so hard when so many mothers in church let their daughters dress the way they do. You made some good points. Thanks for letting me know I am not the only one who feels this way.
Patricia

Christian Homekeeper said...

Well said Deby! I know that when I became a Christian that God would let me know if something was inappropiate as he does all of his children, yet some will keep on ignoring his prodding and eventually sear their own conscience and become hardened. One of their favorite verses they use in defense of their immodesty is "God looks on the heart". I pretty sure God is upset with how they use that verse to support their "hanging out" if you will lol.

Anyway, great post!

Bev

Happymama said...

This is a touchy subjuect, but one that needs to be dealt with on a regular basis.

Especially if we want to raise daughters into godly women. Christian women are to draw attention to Christ and not their bodies.

Good post!

~Kristi

CONNIE'S THOUGHTS FROM THE HEART said...

Those could have been words coming from my own heart. great job!!!Deby. If more women did this, I would not be so embarressed to go out of the house with my husband or sons. I have been called "old fashinoned," the person thinking that it was a bad thing but I knew then that I was doing something that was right. I want to stay always on the "old paths." connie from Texas

Feathering My Nest said...

Deby, This was a very good post. This needs to be preached in church.

There is a Christian singing group called Barlow Girl. They are sisters, who want to dress modestly. They wrote a song called "Clothes." I looked up the lyrics and they are honest and cute. One of the lines is "Pay so much for clothes so small
Was that shirt made for me or my doll?"

These girls wear tank tops underneath their clothes. They dress in layers in order to ramain modest.
I'm glad to see this happening with them, as my teen daughters view them as role models.

I agree with your post and I am sol glad you took the time to speak about it.

Kathi

Carrie said...

I think this was a subject that need to be talked about to make ourselves more aware of where we need to make changes. Thank you for reminding us to teachable.
Carrie

Hank's Wife Pam said...

We have recently moved to an apartment complex in a large-ish city. My daughter, age 8, and I both wear very old-fashioned, conservative dresses -- sort of Mennonite-ish. Every girl we've met here has wanted dresses like my daughter's! They want bloomers, too, so they can be modest and still run and play. Girls want to be pretty and modest, but they can't get the clothes in the stores -- it's so sad. They pull and tug at their skimpy outfits trying to get them to cover up more, but, of course, it doesn't really help. I'm not much of a seamstress, but I'm seriously considering starting to make dresses for these girls, and then teaching them to sew, so they can provide themselves and their daughters with modest, attractive clothing for a lifetime.

Our family is one who left a church because of the immodest dress of the teen girls and some of their mothers. Our teen boys were no longer comfortable there, and we weren't either. The pastor's daughter and grand-daughter were setting a terrible example, and we were concerned about that influence.

Thank you for your post. I hope more people continue to read it, and take it seriously.

Karen Diebolt said...

This is an excellent post. I totally agree with you. When I worked at the front desk at the school, I saw many breasts that I did NOT need to see when women came to sign in. They had to bend over to do this as the desk was low. A male teacher would stand in the office just to see these women's breast. "Free show" is what he called it. Unbelievable. I see this in our church also, and I don't understand it. Shorts that are way too short, low tops, tight clothes. I just don't get it.

Ginny said...

Thank you for your honesty in telling it straight. Modesty is simply not addressed, either in the world, or in the church. I have been among those women who have had to tell their husbands to avert their eyes in church. (Sadly, it was an incident with our church secretary of all people.) I do wear sleeveless tops most of the summer (you know how the body simply cannot cool down because of the fibro), but I am very careful not to reveal what should be kept private. You know, there was a time early in my marriage where my husband had to tell me on numerous occasions that what I wanted to wear was inappropriate, and now, I'm so glad he did, although at the time, I didn't feel that way! We need to pray for our sisters in Christ who fall short in this area.